Important Lessons

OK Students these are important lessons to learn so take heed.

Lesson 1 - Establish Hierarchy Early on

As you can see from the above photos, I challenged Dopey Dessie, who was asleep at the time to a duel by throwing my plastic fireman toy at her. I then patiently sat and psyched her out by staring at her and then managed to retrieve my toy from under her nose. She is beginning to understand who is boss here!

Lesson 2) Get the canines in your family on your side









Right these are 'big' dogs and I very nearly stuffed up my chances here on my arrival by being aggressive and hostile towards them. So learn from me now, make friends, they are your future protectors, mentors (yes i know laughable to think it but believe me there are skills we can learn from them.)and they make excellent heated blankets.


Lesson 3) Playtime is important - Take time everyday for this important recreation




This activity keeps you fit, trim and develops important hunting, stalking and killing skills, when there is no human around to practice on.

Lesson 4) Don't be fooled by Human Ploys






Occasionally humans will bring home toys that really are for you but what they do is use them in places that they think you wont go, don't let them fool you. If it means you take up swimming at night, then do it and believe me this is where the canines can be helpful as they can check on your safety and pull you out if need be. So my students don't let anything come between you and your goals!

Lesson 5) Have friends and allies that will love you unconditionally

Make sure that you choose your friends wisely, you need friends who will stand by you in thick and thin.

Lesson 6) When you have guests make sure you are really helpful

Guests are important allies for you when visiting the house, you should always be helpful, offer support, and be as endearing and cute as possible. This means if your humans moan about your attitude the guests will always stand up for you and think your humans are unfair on you.

Lesson 7) Maintain high standards of cleanliness and personal grooming





I cannot stress enough how important personal grooming is, you must always maintain claws of the sharpest degree, these save your life in dire situations, they are your armory and coupled with the skills you learn from the canines you can be a force to be reckoned with, imagine a Chihuahua that sits on the roof and can launch itself at imposter's!! That is what we are intending to evolve to, Chihuahua's are woosey wimpy things, we will be like 'well hard!!!!'

Lesson 8) Be in your enemies faces

Just make sure you are everywhere they turn, eventually they will just accept that you are more important than them.


Lesson 9) Always keep the contact number for the SPCA/RSPCA handy - I have put it in the links for you to use as required.




Never 'cry wolf' though only ever call if you are truly being neglected or abused. Now if this shooting of me happened everyday for no reason then that would be abuse. This one off occasion is not, but i will monitor the situation. So here are some pointers for when you should call the SPCA/RSPCA

Being beaten
Being kicked
Not being fed
Being shut outside without food or shelter
Being tortured

Lesson 10) Love yourself

Get some photos of yourself to look at and position strategically around the house to allow all and sundry to worship you, and of course for you to worship yourself.

This Is The End Of Today's Lessons

OK i will leave you now with a picture of my first major hunting expedition, look at my streamlined pose and stealth for this important milestone in my life.

OK till later, remember to do your homework and study my lessons well.

Merlin

The Demon Destroyer

KITICTIONARY - HINDER & HAMPER

OK as promised here is the weekly lesson in the form of 'Words Of The Week'. I expect you to read, understand and where necessary learn either the meaning and or the art of the word.

For the sake of this regular lesson you should know the following words used regularly in my explanations.

Subjects - These are your fellow house mates whom you are trying to educate. They may be humans, canines, adult felines (however be careful of them they usually have already undergone this training when they were kittens, so occasionally can out maneuver you) and other permanent members of the house hold. Be warned, never try these things out with guests, always be on your best behaviour with guests, they are your allies!!!
Students - You are the students, you are leaning an art form passed onto me from a higher power.
An Exercise - This can also be an activity, job, task etc anything that a subject may be doing at any given time.

Helping - to help someone is a 'good' exercise
In - well you should know what this means
Normal - you know, the 'usual' stuff
Daily - well you know what a day is don't you?
Exercises - see above explanation
Restrictively - No this means to 'almost' stop something for example an exercise, by playful or other means.

So to HINDER is to make any activity difficult to achieve in your presence and this can be further developed by you learning the art of HAMPERING.

Hinder - As already explained
All - well you should know what this means
Movements - when going from one place to another
Promoting - when you find or do something good, pass it on via educating, teaching to others
Extreme - heavy duty like the toughest
Resourcefulness - thinking on your feet of new ideas etc

Now listen here students, to learn the art of 'HAMPERING' is essential as it means that our fellow residents learn flexibility, motivation, patience and agility.

So how do we 'HAMPER' ?

Well this morning was a classic example, mum was changing the bed clothes. I decided to 'help!' (HAMPER). Why you ask did I say 'help' when we are actually doing the opposite and you want us to HAMPER. Well this my dear students is because we don't want our subjects to think we are being disruptive now do we, we want them thinking .....'ah how cute'!! So you see it is all about deception really. Well are you following me or do I have to explain these words as well? If your answer is yes then your homework tonight is to look those words up in a dictionary. I will give you the answers next week.

Disruptive =
Deception =

Anyway i decided that all of the pillowcases needed checking for insects and rubbish obviously, and then by entering the duvet outer with the duvet inner helped to ensure that it was able to move about inside the outer until the right shape was achieved of the duvet inner.

See below for photos showing the art. This particular form of HAMPERing is key and should be mastered ASAP.

Nb. This i have noted, is bed changing exercise a regular Friday occurrence, so you must make a note when your subjects follow this ritual so you may 'HAMPER'.

Your Mission Subjects is

Identify bed change day, and HAMPER. I want feedback from all of you on your success so I can evaluate your further training needs and personal development over the coming weeks.

Below are photos of this weeks 'Bed Making' HAMPERing session, as you can see I have perfected the art, so this is what you need to aspire to.

Remember the rules though.......

NO WILFUL DAMAGE unless it can be made to look accidental.

Accidental means you get an ahhhhhh or a 'silly puss' response as opposed to Intentional which means you will get chased and shouted at in an irate tone!

Its Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a Day!!!

Mum and Dad woke up and gave me all my pressies. Sheets and Sheets of wrapping paper with metres of ribbon!!!! I spent ages stalking and hunting through the pile. They kept the stuff that it was all wrapped around. Suckers!!!!

Then we spent the rest of the morning with me running all over the place, stalking their toes under the bed covers. Heaps of Fun. Even managed to get the odd hiss out of Dessie. But my attempts to have a swipe at good old Simba's nose kept getting foiled by Mum and Dad. I mean to say, something that huge and covered with fur is just calling out to be paw whipped.

Mum, Dad and the boys popped out to go to the beach (I really did not want to go as the sand gets inbetween the pads and really irritates, besides someone had to stay behind and annoy Dessie).

But when they all got home, we went up to the top terrace of the section. I was a bit worried about being so far from the house, but everyone was there to look after me. It was really great fun!! Lots of new places to explore and new smells to discover.

Heres me striking my "Explorers Pose"

"Dr Livingston, I Presume"

Of course Dessie had to show up as well. So I decided to demonstrate to everyone how the climbing practice has been paying off. I do have to hold my climbing sessions when no one else is about as they seem rather protective of the curtains.

Have to say, Dessie did not seem to be too impressed for some reason. Whatever! I am the Kitten, I am the cute one!

Of course, I do push my luck somewhat. After a few attempts at trying to get to Mum and Dad's rather yummy looking Carrot Cake, Mum decided to go all Kangaroo-ish. Wrong country, Mum!

Then it was back down the hill to the house for some Christmas Dinner. I tell you, I had had such a time of it all, that I was too tuckered out to eat my share (which is actually Mums and Dads share, as it happens) that I just fell asleep.

Roll on New Year's I say!!! Party. Party, Party!!!!!

Later Dawgs!

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Plan for World Domination, so far

Hi Fans!

Please forgive me if I suddenly drop off part way through, it has been quite a tiring time for a little kitten. It has been all go, go, go around here! So much to do, so many things to explore, so many animals to upset.

But more important things first, ME!! What have I been up to? Well, lets start at the beginning.

Attempts to integrate myself with the family are going well. I have been alternating between cuteness, devil and aloof (generally switching between all three within a split second and with no warning.

Keep them off balance, I say. Here is a little pictoral review of the first week.

Feeding time. Okay, so really it is not my food, but then again, can you prove it?

Trying to get on Dad's good side by showing an interest in books (hope he doesn't read my first post)

Practising my demonic powers by Firestarting, I mean, just a little kitten watching the flickering flames with an innocent, childlike fascination. Yes, thats right, now your eyelids are getting heavy. SLEEP!!! *click* welcome back, you must have dozed off.....

Catching up on my blogging. I so hope that I get a laptop for Christmas, or a cellphone at the very least (with pic texting ability)

Go on, Google '100 ways to pamper your kitten'

The dogs and I are reaching some areas of mutual benefits. i.e. They look out for me and in return Mum gives them treats to eat. Simba is the main bodyguard, following me around all the time, while Wolf is the more mothering type, making sure I have a hanky with me, you know the type.

Dessie is still coming to terms with the fact that I AM the cutest animal here. She is not hissing or making as big a fuss as in the beginning, so this means that I have to launch myself at her to get her all riled up now. Which of course, I do.

Nothing like a bit of conflict to keep the pot boiling. I am gearing myself up for a sneak attack on her the next time she is sleeping. No one will know when or where I will strike, thats part of the fun!!

I have got to stop humming the theme from Jaws though, as this does give the game away somewhat.

Anyway, later Peeps!